Autism's (sometimes) Super Momma

   I told you all this post would come over spring break. The reason it's just getting posted now is because Jude was busy playing with Alden! I am so happy to report that these two, who already have an amazing bond and such a sweet special love are growing even closer as Alden is welcoming Jude more and more into his world. With that being said, I have also put off posting because although Jude wrote this post I am typing it up for him, and it's been even more emotional than I was prepared for. Jude is the BEST big brother and is continually amazes me with his strength and grace. However there are struggles with being the sibling of a child with autism and this has been the first time he has really expressed them.  So please enjoy the beautiful, sad and raw honestly of this sweet boy and his experience being the sibling of an autistic child.                                     ...

I've said it before and I will say it again WE ARE SO BLESSED. We have the best support system and if we hit a snag we quickly have people offering to help. The thing we aren't so good at, accepting that help. With that being said I'm am obviously no expert in taking care of myself. Whether it is an ice breaker when meeting new people or asked during an interview, I hate the question "what are your hobbies" hobby? Do people still have time for those?  I guess as I sit here typing I could now answer blogging is my hobby. It is something I enjoy and not something I HAVE to do. Well would you look at that I have a hobby!     Aside from blogging my favorite go to "me time" is a long hot uninterrupted shower, a dinner date with a girlfriend, or snuggling up with several blankets and some junk food watching movies. I envy people who say running or the gym is their de-stressing 'me time'. I can't help but think they are lying, if we are being hones...

    WHEW, it has been a crazy week in the VanEtten home and in the calm after the storm I have been doing some reflection. I quickly decided I couldn't get through this crazy life with out my best friend by my side, every step of the way. It doesn't hurt he's not bad on the eyes either if you know what I mean ;-) Brandon knows by now how I respond to the chaos and when to encourage me to keep trucking and when to just hold me; not saying a word. Not trying to help for fix anything for me, just let me be still and sad or grumpy or whatever I'm feeling at that moment.     When we were first married a friend gave us a book called the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It is really interesting insight and I encourage you to check it out. You can even take the free love languages quiz online by clicking  HERE.   Your love language could be words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts or quality time. Now sure, I enjoy all of these thi...

For those of you who dont know us personally, Jude is Alden's (slightly) older brother. They are 15 months apart. Jude doesn't remember life before Alden and as scary as having two little ones so close together was just after Alden's birth, it has worked out so nicely for our family. I remember shortly after Alden's diagnosis being just as devastated for Jude as I was for Alden. Honestly maybe even more so for him. I never wanted Jude to feel left out or second fiddle because things would be so different for each of them. We worked our way through the muddy waters of parenting which is hard enough on its own but really difficult when you are parenting one nuerotypical and one nuerodiverse. We tackled our fair share of questions but Jude has ALWAYS been SO loving, kind and understanding with Alden and with us as we explain how despite their close age there are different expectations for each. Jude has always been an old soul and we have always told him what a beaut...

    We have talked a lot about the not so fun, draining, sit down and cry, nitty gritty parts of autism. There are a lot of things that many don't give a second thought to but I have to give myself a pep talk for. I have adjusted to that for the most part and it's just part of the daily routine. I can usually have that conversation with myself and go about my day with no tears involved. I can even occasionally laugh my way through the public escapade we occasionally put on.     But there is another part of autism too. The part that almost made me mad when suggested just after diagnosis. The amazing, awesome, exciting and incredible parts of autism. It might be cliche, but Alden has taught me so much. Fun fact for those of you who don't know, Brandon and I both went to college in the education field. Fairly early on in both of our separate programs we were advised it may be smart to go into special education as there was a growing need and it would make it much easie...

    One of the big red flags of autism is regression.   Developmental regression  is when a child loses an acquired skill. For example some children with autism will be developing on schedule and suddenly loose verbal skills. In a way I think this would be harder than the child that either never or very slowly develops these skills. Watching your child make gains and suddenly loose them has to be  devastating .      We caught on to Alden's autism very early as he was missing milestones all along rather than meeting them and then regressing. That is not to say we haven't experienced regression of skills with him. We started resources for Alden before his first birthday. He was working with different teachers and therapists through the LISD. We pretty quickly noticed a pattern in his newly acquired skills. He would be starting to catch on to something and we would then miss sessions due to him being sick of scheduled days off and he would quickly l...

I didn't grow up being the child that hated the dentist. I was happy to go get my teeth cleaned and pick a prize from the prize box. I dreaded gagging on the horrible fluoride treatments but it wasn't anything I was kicking and screaming about. Fast forward to my teenage years and I had a HORRIBLE experience that left me scarred for life!     I'm now the adult that will avoid the dentist at all cost. If I have to go it takes a lot of medication and then I will still be shaking and crying like a baby. Thankfully I don't see any signs of passing on my phobia to my oldest child. Jude loves going to the dentist. Alden however has anxiety in all 'clinical' settings. The doctors office, dentist, hospital....he gets upset just walking into the building. His regular dentist is incredibly patient with him but at his last visit it was decided, in order to do a more thorough examine, it was probably time to have him put under to get his first set of x-rays.  We would also...

    I have always joked that I am OCD not in a clean freak way and not in a turn the handle 20 times before I leave kind of way. But I do get severe anxiety about changes in routine. When I had my c-section with Alden members of my family got a 5 page outline of what would happen every hour the day before, during and after. I'm a list maker and calendar keeper. I have 4 calendars that I'm constantly updating. I think we all have our little quirks. These quirks are what we attributed some of Aldens actions early on to. "Oh he's just quirky, bound to happen between all of mine and Brandon's quirks"     In the early days, even before his autism diagnosis, Alden had outbursts usually from being over overstimulated. He would flop on the floor screaming and crying and sometimes he would even get aggressive throwing things or hitting the people or object closest to him. As we have worked on his sensory needs we have seen these outbursts more now when he is frustrate...

    Confession: I know little to nothing about respite care. So I thought documenting my learning experience may be helpful for those who may also eventually use this service. Before pursuing further information, I knew that respite care was a service available to families with special needs. Basically a state paid babysitter. Now all parents of young children need a babysitter from time to time. Maybe for the elusive date night with my hubby, a girl could dream right. Despite the annoyance of trying to find a babysitter available and having to pay for their service above and beyond the expense of whatever your plans may be; special needs families have the added burden of finding a babysitter uniquely qualified to deal with whatever the special need may be. Also because of the need for higher qualification comes extra cost.     I wont get into the numbers, but if you ever get bored you can find sufficient research on how the stress of raising a child with special ne...

    I will humbly admit I can't tell you how old Jude was the first time he said "I love you". Many of his firsts and milestones were taken for granted as they were just expected. This is something Alden has taught our family; never take any of those things for granted. There are some parents who will never hear their child's sweet voice, never see a first step, never feel their child's little arms wrapped around their neck in a tight loving embrace. EVERY new thing is celebrated no matter how seemingly small.     Because of this appreciation for every new thing, we have found ourselves celebrating things our child does that other parents would punish their child for. For example, the first time Alden through a full on toddler temper tantrum we were ECSTATIC! This was the first time we saw a 'typical' display of frustration rather than an expression of discomfort/pain caused by his sensory processing disorder. It was the first peak at a developing persona...

    I think all parents can relate to the headaches and chaos that lead up to Christmas. Christmas parties, programs, shopping, baking, eating, decorating, wrapping...the list goes on and on! All this creates an environment where kids can't possibly function without stepping on an already frayed mommy nerve.      We make a conscious effort everyday leading up to Christmas to slow down and reflect on the reason for the season. But I would be lying to say it's all jingle bells and mistletoe at my house for the holidays. See on top of all the stuff I mentioned above we have melt downs over changed routines. This year that included tackling the Christmas tree. To be fair, trees are supposed to be outside. Anxiety over family gatherings with lots of people in little spaces. Tummy trouble because despite the delicious holiday feast present at every gathering, Alden will live on cookies and dinner rolls. Sensory issues stopping him from tearing through wrapping pap...

    The day Alden was officially diagnosed with autism was tough. We already knew in our hearts, but something about seeing it in black and white cut pretty deep. Since then we have learned and grown so much. Alden has made great strides doing ABA therapy daily, but for the insurance to continue coverage we had to go through the diagnosis process all over again. We were chasing that golden ticket.       Jumping through hoops is a skill you learn fairly early on in the autism journey. I wonder if that skill is something I could include on a resume? I think it should be, just saying. I was so anxious about going through this process. There was no part of me that was worried he wouldn't get the golden ticket, he obviously still has autism. Imagine my surprise should my child be the first to 'outgrow' autism!  My anxiety came from the emotional roller coaster that comes with checking box after box that shows every deficit in your child's development. Watc...

what a husbands sigh says to his wife In the words of Allison Krauss "you say it best, when you say nothing at all"  Ignoring the fact that this lyric is romantic in context of the song.....I mean it quite to the contrary.     My husband came home after a long days work and an hour or better drive home. First thing he does is wash his hands to get the kid cooties off that are inevitable when working with 23 kindergartners.  As the water runs between his fingers he tells me how happy he is to be home and how hungry he is. As he does this I am switching my fifth yes FIFTH load of laundry for the day. Just as I walk past him carrying a laundry basket over flowing with freshly cleaned laundry, he turns to where our hand towel is usually kept and wait for it......SIGH. The biggest, most dramatic exhale you have ever heard. Slight exaggeration, perhaps. Not the point. The point is, what I clearly heard him 'say' was "are you kidding me, no clean towel, what hav...

where we were to where we are today      We had just celebrated Alden's 4th birthday. Like all mom's I struggled with the idea of my baby growing up. Having a child with autism though, birthdays can also be as struggle for a very different reason. It seems to remind you of missed milestones and you can't help but compare how you are preparing for your 4 year old's party to how a 'normal'  4yearr old would celebrate. This year I would be lying to say I didn't have any of those thoughts. However, I am happy to say that I got through his birthday for the first time since his diagnosis without having to hide and cry at some point. I truly believe it is because almost a year ago I decided to give up on Alden. Now before you call CPS please hear me out.      Alden was diagnosed just before his 2nd birthday. Brandon and I spent that first year researching, arguing, praying, stressing, and paying through the nose for someone to cure him. We needed someon...

a mommy a singer an actress a teacher an athletic trainer a crime scene investigator  a day care operator     These were my answers to the question from age 4-18. I dare you to ask me today, keeping in mind I will be turning 30 this year. For the last 8 years I have been a mommy. Which was number one on my to-do list. I have cared for other kids while their mommies went to work but I have always struggled with what I was 'doing'. What was I doing to contribute to society, make the world a better place?      Don't get me wrong, staying home with kids full time was often MORE strenuous than the job I previously had working in a physical therapy office. And I don't (always) doubt my contribution to my children's lives and molding them into the kind, smart, loving gentlemen they are. I have just always felt like I should be doing more.     I had kept journals, more like scribblings really, when I was staying home with my first born. It ...