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Dont we ALL Hate the Dentist?

I didn't grow up being the child that hated the dentist. I was happy to go get my teeth cleaned and pick a prize from the prize box. I dreaded gagging on the horrible fluoride treatments but it wasn't anything I was kicking and screaming about. Fast forward to my teenage years and I had a HORRIBLE experience that left me scarred for life!
    I'm now the adult that will avoid the dentist at all cost. If I have to go it takes a lot of medication and then I will still be shaking and crying like a baby. Thankfully I don't see any signs of passing on my phobia to my oldest child. Jude loves going to the dentist. Alden however has anxiety in all 'clinical' settings. The doctors office, dentist, hospital....he gets upset just walking into the building. His regular dentist is incredibly patient with him but at his last visit it was decided, in order to do a more thorough examine, it was probably time to have him put under to get his first set of x-rays.  We would also be able to fix any problems that he may have going on since we have yet to get all the way in his mouth long enough to get a good picture of his oral health .
    We made the trip to Ann Arbor to meet with a dentist who offered pediatric sedation dentistry. They were very nice and didn't push him at all. In fact they were perfectly content with him refusing to even sit in the chair. We talked about our previous experiences and decided together that being put under was going to be the only way to safely get in his mouth. This was no surprise, I knew this appointment was a consultation to set up such an appointment in the near future. What I wasn't prepared for was the waiver I was handed to put Alden in a papoose restraint. They wouldn't agree to send him to the OR without knowing what all was going on in his mouth. Through the years I have seen Alden scream and fight and cry plenty but in this dentist office setting, I had the same anxiety and honestly would have had the same reaction. Between my own and anxiety and the never easing dread of seeing your child restrained, I signed the paper barely able to read between the tears filling my eyes.
    He was taken to the 'quiet room' which is a sound proof room made to silent the screams from scaring off other children in the office. It took three of us to get him onto the restraint board and even with three adults holding down his arms he was still able to hulk out of the restraints. I sincerely thought he had broken his wrist in order to do so. He hadn't thank God. We were now left with the new problem of his hands being free to grab the sharp tools or hit the hygienist. With tears now pouring out of my face I laid on top of my poor boy as his sweet eyes screamed "please help me mommy" I just kept thinking, if someone saw video of a prisoner being treated like this someone would be fired for cruel and unusual punishment. I had to look away as they finished. Once they were done I scooped him up and clung to him begging his forgiveness. He recovered much better than I did.
   With in minutes he was all smiles playing in the waiting area with his Papa as I sat in a consultation room to go over his scheduled surgery date and treatment plan.I was still so upset I wasn't hearing much they were saying to me. I started crying all over again once we got in the car. If I had a choice, I would NEVER put myself of my child through that again. As far as he knew I was helping to hold him down while strangers were going to pull out all of his teeth or cut out his tongue. That's the thing, he really doesn't understand what is happening or why. Wouldn't you be scared out of your mind if for no apparent reason people tied you down and started wedging things in your mouth making it impossible for you to close. All while they came at you with strange and scary looking equipment and your mom of all people wasn't protecting you but was helping to hold you down!
    Now I know he still loves me. I know how important it is to take care of his teeth and unfortunately this is the only way. I know he will forget this appointment much quicker than I will, and his upcoming surgery date will be 100 times harder on me than on him. I KNOW these things. In the moment though, it doesn't make it any easier. We wont even get into the fear of the future at appointments such as these. He is busting out of restraints at 6 yrs old. How will we possibly get anything done with him when he's 10, 18, 25!
     So to the autism mama reading this who has been there and done that.....you're not alone girl. I feel your pain and it's the kind of pain only we can understand.  No matter how hard others may try. To the parents sitting in the other room with your child staring like we are insane. WE ARE and we have much bigger battles than how you feel about watching us struggle. I am sorry if my child scared yours but I assure you he is more scared than yours could possibly be at this point. To everyone else, we greatly appreciate your continued prayers because although we get the unique joy of raising a child with autism and seeing innocence, joy and love in its purist forms....we also get the intense struggle of living in a world that he doesn't understand and in return doesn't always understand him.

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